The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru..
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
10 Weirdest Toilet Papers
Horror Story Toilet Paper - Do you read in the bathroom? Well, you might appreciate this new literary experience—a horror story in the form of toilet paper! Each roll is printed with several copies of "Drop", a nine-chapter novella written by Koji Suzuki, author of the "Ring" cycle of novels, which has been made into films in both Japan and Hollywood.
Origami Toilet Paper - Next time you forget that magazine or book, it will not be a problem. With this Origami Potty Paper you can spend hours learning new and interesting Origami techniques all from your roll of toilet paper. Want to know the best part? You can practice while you're enjoying your private time on the potty!
Sudoku Toilet Paper - Now you can have more fun while doing some “businesses” in your toilet, playing Sudoku... with your toilet paper! If you're a Sudoku addict who can't bare to be without your favorite brain game, then this will keep you occupied in even the most trying circumstances.
Windows Vista Toilet Paper - Ah, the Japanese... They are so fond of the Windows Vista Service Pack 1 that they printed toilet paper rolls about it, highlighting it's features.
Camouflage Toilet Paper - In case you're tired of your plain white toilet paper, you can now wipe in military style with this camouflage toilet paper. For $5.95 you get a roll that consists of 200 sheets of 3-ply toilet paper, imported from Germany.
Osama Toilet Paper - Its inscription is worth the money: "Get rid of your shiite"
Musical Toilet Paper - Shitty music, literally.
Valentines Toilet Paper - Make your valentine fall in love again -while in the bathroom- with this sweet toilet paper
Colored Toilet Paper - These look interesting. Some people like to rotate colors for the holidays: Red for Valentine's Day; green for St. Patrick's Day; black and orange for Halloween; and green and red for Christmas.
Obama Toilet Paper - Oh sh*t! Unfortunately, this Obama Toilet paper is for display only, not actual use, and costs only $10. According to its website “this roll would look great on the desk of any Democrat”
Origami Toilet Paper - Next time you forget that magazine or book, it will not be a problem. With this Origami Potty Paper you can spend hours learning new and interesting Origami techniques all from your roll of toilet paper. Want to know the best part? You can practice while you're enjoying your private time on the potty!
Sudoku Toilet Paper - Now you can have more fun while doing some “businesses” in your toilet, playing Sudoku... with your toilet paper! If you're a Sudoku addict who can't bare to be without your favorite brain game, then this will keep you occupied in even the most trying circumstances.
Windows Vista Toilet Paper - Ah, the Japanese... They are so fond of the Windows Vista Service Pack 1 that they printed toilet paper rolls about it, highlighting it's features.
Camouflage Toilet Paper - In case you're tired of your plain white toilet paper, you can now wipe in military style with this camouflage toilet paper. For $5.95 you get a roll that consists of 200 sheets of 3-ply toilet paper, imported from Germany.
Osama Toilet Paper - Its inscription is worth the money: "Get rid of your shiite"
Musical Toilet Paper - Shitty music, literally.
Valentines Toilet Paper - Make your valentine fall in love again -while in the bathroom- with this sweet toilet paper
Colored Toilet Paper - These look interesting. Some people like to rotate colors for the holidays: Red for Valentine's Day; green for St. Patrick's Day; black and orange for Halloween; and green and red for Christmas.
Obama Toilet Paper - Oh sh*t! Unfortunately, this Obama Toilet paper is for display only, not actual use, and costs only $10. According to its website “this roll would look great on the desk of any Democrat”
Monday, June 29, 2009
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