10. THE HOT CHICK
You know her. She drives every guy crazy in the office. And everyone knows exactly who you're talking about when you say, "Wow, did you see what she was wearing today? The things I would do to her..."
9. MR. MEETINGS
He doesn't actually do anything, he just has meetings all day, every day. Someone's working on something? Let's all huddle in the conference room to discuss implementing it. Someone wants to schedule a meeting? Let's meet to form a task force about it. Someone's dropping a deuce in the toilet? We better meet on this.
8. THE KITCHEN SLOB
He'll stick burritos in the microwave just long enough for them to explode, spill coffee on the counter, and leave an egg and tuna salad sandwich in the fridge until human resources has to send out a sternly worded e-mail suggesting it be thrown out.
7. THE SPORTS GUY
He's either talking about the game that was just on or the one that's coming up. On Casual Fridays, this lovable fellow sports his team jersey, and on Monday makes a point to stop at every desk to discuss "That play!" If possible, he would have 15 office sports pools going all at once.
6. THE IDIOT BOSS
He has a fancy degree hanging on his office wall and a great collection of designer suits. Each day he asks some amazingly stupid question or suggests a preposterous idea that gives you a new reason to question just how the hell he's in charge. He knows almost nothing about his particular line of work, and what he does know, he learned from you.
5. THE BATHROOM BOMBER
Typically a likable, heavy-set guy who enjoys greasy food. If he's exited the bathroom with a sigh of relief, you know it's off limits for at least an hour, or until the dust settles from one of his massive craps. He is referred to by the midnight cleaning crew as "El Diablo."
4. MRS. SMOKE BREAKS
This husky-voiced, often overweight co-worker has found a way to take an extra hour off her workday. Her favorite phrase is, "I'll be right back" as she heads to the outside courtyard to meet with her fellow puffers who consume Virginia Slims like candy. She is single-handedly responsible for doubling the office's insurance premiums.
3. MR. ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF QUITTING (AKA Mr. Eff this Place!)
He doesn't just dislike his job, he hates it. Every week for the last eight years he's vowed that today would be his last day. But instead of quitting, he gripes to you, other co-workers, the mailman, and anyone who'll listen.
2. THE COFFEE-BREATHING CLOSE-TALKER
He always knocks down a few cups of java juice and a couple of cigs before your one-on-one morning encounter. His idea of personal space is just making sure your noses aren't touching. All the while you're trying desperately to invent reasons why your conversation needs to be over.
1. MR. LAZY SACK OF SHIT WHO NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW HE KEEPS HIS JOB
He strolls in whenever he can, takes two-hour lunches and leaves about 4:15-ish. Nobody's quite sure what he does all day, but due to corporate bureaucracy or union guidelines, he never seems to get in trouble.
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