Chemical analysis of a woman

WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSlS

ELEMENT : Woman
SYMBOL : Wo
DISCOVERER : Adam
ATOMIC MASS : Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40 - 200kg
OCCURRENCES : Copious quantities in urban areas



PHYSICAL PROPERTIES :

1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied to correct places.

CHEMlCAL PROPERTIES :

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES :

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS :

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS :

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained
at different locations as long as specimens do not come into contact
with each other.