Wife quotes

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wifes birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

First guy (proudly): "My wifes an angel!" Second guy: "Youre lucky, mines still alive.

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when shes wrong.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her , "Wheres the car?" She replied, "In the lake."

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didnt notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I dont know son, Im still paying."!

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.!

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I ve found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didnt know her first name was Always.

Its not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman and then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

Just think, if it werent for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till Im half dead."

Give a woman an inch & she thinks she is a ruler

Rich Widows; The only second hand goods that sells at first class price.

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper

Perfect marriage is based on perfect misunderstanding

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years I didn’t want to ‘interrupt’ her.

The wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

Marriage is three-ring circus:Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffering

Every man should get married some time. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life!

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be more happier than others.

I don’t worry about terrorism ! I was married for two years !!

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers. That you wife will give you for free.

Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn’t, they would be married too !

A man without a woman is like a fish without bicycle.

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders, why ?

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, You can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back home always.

A woman can keep only one secret - the secret of her age.

I asked my wife, “ Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been”.
I asked her, “How about the kitchen ?”

We always hold hands, if I let go, she shops.

My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack & looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage ?” Following her down the street I yelled, “ No, jump in “.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, Who do you let in first ? The dog ofcourse.. at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

A woman is always RIGHT, sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, changeable or even downright stupid but NEVER EVER wrong.

Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you !"

On the first day of marriage, the husband is treated like GOD... after that the letters reversed.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who will give you a little love, little affection, little tenderness? It means you are in the wrong house.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled, “It really works”.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die ? Why tell me, did you have to die ?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t with to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I have ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply ? A child ? A parent ?” The mourner took a moment to collect himself and then replied,“ My wife’s first husband “.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Happiness is having a large, loving caring, close-knit family… In another city.