Sunday, July 26, 2009

TOP 10 Super Powers That Would Suck

As a kid you've probably dreamed of getting hit by lightning or bitten by a radioactive spider so you could develop your own super powers and save the world. Well, what if it happened and the power you got…sucked? These are my choices for Top 10 Super Powers That Would Suck.

10. Soft Drink Transference

Explanation: The power to cause whatever carbonated beverage that you are consuming to change it's flavor to that of an alternate brand, ie. Coke to Pepsi, Dr. Pepper to Mountain Dew.

Why it would suck: Maybe you really wanted a Mr. Pibb? Sucks for you because now it's a Diet Fanta.

9. Dryer Freshening

Explanation: Everything you touch is now given that wonderful, fresh out of the dryer smell.

Why it would suck: It would be great at first but who wants a slice of pizza that smells like it was cooked in the same place you wash your underwear and gym socks. And after awhile, you'd probably think it wasn't so wonderful and fresh anymore.

8. Extremely Limited Levitation

Explanation: The ability to raise yourself off the ground but only by about an inch.

Why it would suck: You would be like Criss Angel except you don't know any other cool tricks. And, you would be like Criss Angel.

7. Heightened Smell

Explanation: You can smell everything for miles around.

Why it would suck: You can smell EVERYTHING for miles around.

6. Aluminum/Dermal Replacement

Explanation: This power gives you the ability to change the density of your skin to that of aluminum foil.

Why it would suck: Though aluminum is a metal, your skin is only so thick, so it would in fact make you less durable and also impossible to get through security at the airport.

5. Room Temperature Control

Explanation: The power of temperature control as long as you prefer everything at room temperature.

Why it would suck: Forget about ever having a frosty beer again.

4. Animal Magnetism

Explanation: Animals are drawn to you and literally stick.

Why it would suck: You would be banned from all zoos and farms and that's only if you survived from being stuck to a dozen housecats as soon as you stroll through your neighborhood.

3. Extremely Limited Time Travel

Explanation: This is the ability to travel forward in time, but only about 30 seconds into the future.

Why it would suck: It's pretty much useless. The only plus to this power would be to skip commercials. Also, using this power to skip past your girlfriend's nagging would just cause more problems because you didn't listen to a single thing she's said….just like you ALWAYS do.

2. Super Speed with Bad Coordination

Explanation: The power of speed with the absence of control.

Why it would suck: While you could go anywhere in the world in the blink of an eye, your chances of making it to your destination without injury are slim. Have you ever stubbed your toe at Mach 5?

1. Permanent X-Ray Vision

Explanation: The ability to see through clothing and other objects…permanently.

Why it would suck: Walk around a Walmart for one hour and you'll know.

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